Soul Searchin

Life as I come to know it…

Why “Life as I come to know it”? Well, because that’s how I’m approaching each day. No one has it all figured out, and anyone who tells you they do is either full of shit or has put a limit on themselves without even knowing it. Even at the height of success, the wisest people are the ones who are still open to learning. Who are curious about life and themselves and others. For me, I never want to stop exploring, and so this blog is not only about my own healing, but perhaps even if it’s only one person, it can be about sharing some of the lessons I learn about life as they come. So what have I learned? Well, experience has taught me a lot in my 34 years living it; I’ve learned to love freely, to live fully, to go after my dream unapologetically. Of all of the things that I’ve learned, though, the most valuable have been learning myself. I think we get so caught up in life and all of the things that are happening around us, all of the people we allow in our space that we lose ourselves in the midst. We get stuck in this constant battle to become instead of just being. It’s tough to silence out the noise to hear our own thoughts and in some ways, scary. There are lots of times when we may not even want to get to know ourselves on a deeper level because we might be afraid of who we find. However, if we don’t know who we indeed are, we’ll never know what we truly desire out of life or what we need. We’ll stay consistently making choices, staying in relationships, and putting ourselves in environments that don’t serve our highest selves. It’s why we sometimes can’t figure out why we’re still longing for something more.

No, we might not be where we want to be in life financially, career-wise, relationship-wise, etc. but those aren’t the things that are truly bothering us the most. It’s this deep yearning for enlightenment and fulfillment that can only come with self-exploration. So I’ve come to learn that to live life fully, I must set myself free. Free to feel without restriction. Feelings and emotions have gotten a bad wrap in the age of the “positive vibes” lifestyle, but the truth is, to live life balanced, you have to allow for a healthy amount of emotions and logic. Feelings on their own aren’t bad things, emotions left unchecked are. I have to go through the process of feeling so that I can come out on the other side of it free from that emotion and able to move on to the next thing.

I’ve learned to free myself of obligation. I am not obligated to be, do, say, or stay anything, or anywhere I don’t desire. I can love you and maintain boundaries. I can change my mind, I can choose to see things differently. People unintentionally will cause us to feel as though we have to allow them to mistreat us because that’s just who they are or because of whatever they are going through, and that simply isn’t true. I am not obligated to stay while you work through your issues to prove my loyalty. Any more than I am obligated to say or be someone I am not to make someone else feel more comfortable. The more self-aware you are, the more empowered you are to stand firmly in your truth. You start to understand your own needs and wants and refuse to remain in any space that doesn’t honor them. Gambling with your heart, time, energy, and space with the hopes that maybe, someday, one day it’ll serve some higher purpose is as futile as knowing the truth, seeing it, and still believing the lie. Hope is a beautiful thing but it can be a prison when it’s left in the hands of someone’s else desire to choose, change, and show up for us. Freedom is understanding that life is short and all we have is right now, so we owe it to ourselves to be all in on ourselves and hold everyone else around us to that same standard.

Everyday life has a way of presenting itself to me in a new light, and for every lesson learned, I will share it. This is me. This is life as I come to know it.

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