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If it isn’t love…

Welp, it’s the day after Valentine’s Day or, as some like to refer to it, Happy side-chick day. LOL. As of yesterday, some folks either were made extremely happy with the love their partner showed them, got a rude awakening of just where they stand with someone, felt lonely, or didn’t give a damn cause it’s just a money grab of a day anyway. Lol. Either way, I hope you felt some sense of love, even if it was your own. Let’s face it. It is the most important version there is anyway. Feb 14th has taken on many forms for me over the years. In my experience as a heterosexual woman, men tend to downplay the significance of the day, but most will care enough to show up for you if they know it means something to you. I enjoy celebrating the day as much as anyone. To me, you should feel loved and cared for every day. However, there is nothing wrong with diving in a little bit extra on a day expressly set aside for it. This year it was just Monday, not because I wasn’t showered in various versions of love but because I didn’t physically spend it with someone for the first time in a long time. Interestingly enough, as a lover of all things love, I was okay with that. My journey with love has led me into a place I might not have foreseen but that I’m grateful for arriving at.

What I’ve learned to be true is that, for me, if it isn’t love…the kind that sweeps you off your feet at the thought of it and grounds you with its consistent presence. The type that learns my love language and speaks it fluently while I understand theirs. If it isn’t the kind of love that provides a safe space for the authenticity of my existence and encourages growth as I learn new depths of my being. The kind that sees, hears, respects, and honors me as an individual and partner. If he’s the head, I’m the neck. That knows that submission is a two-way street. As he leads, I’ll follow. As I guide, he’ll listen. As a team, we win. The kind that understands that as we will not remain the same, the work is in meeting each other at each new phase.

To be committed to relearning the new parts of me that emerge and fall in love with me repeatedly. The kind where our compatibilities open us up for new adventures while our differences open our minds to new perspectives. The type of love that shares inside jokes, belly-deep laughs, and life’s many joyous moments, both big and small. A place where silliness knows no bounds. He doesn’t take himself too seriously, but he’s serious about me. That conquers the trying times, the moments of hurt, pain, and despair. That hears me in my silence and cheers me out loud. Hell, the kind that just loves me out loud, period. And not in a, go out of its way to prove a point type of loud, but whose love for me is so intense it appears in every medium. I desire honest love even when it hurts, that’s kind even when it’s hard, that shows up even when it doesn’t feel like it, and that never wavers in its approach. Life with someone isn’t about a lifetime of roses and sunflowers, no day will look the same, and every day won’t be a fairytale. But to share a life with someone who wants to walk beside you come what may, that studies you enough to know when you need silence and your handheld or a word from them that only they can speak, which penetrates straight to your heart. The kind of love that is calming, reassuring, steadfast. The kind that’ll call me on my shit when I’m out of pocket and celebrate me when I’m getting it right. Love is all-encompassing and scary and cool and pleasant. It’s difficult to merge your life with someone, but it’s easy to love when it’s right. The happy me, the sad me, the have it all together me, the wtf am I doing me. The outgoing me, the shy me, the healing me, the confident me. The kind of love that sees me in my fullness, flaws and all, and says I choose you without a shadow of a doubt. Without coercion, it’s the kind of love that is sure.

No matter where you are on your love journey, I wish you even more of whatever version of it you desire. I hope that the love of self overflows in such great abundance that you can’t help but attract it from someone else. I hope for happy, healthy, whole love. Sweet, pure, and kind love. Love yourself, and let’s love each other. Because if it isn’t love….the good kind..then baby, we do not want!!!

For those of you who prefer to listen, subscribe to my Pod version.

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